Last week, I received an interesting question from one of my readers. I was asked, “Is self-care a form of escapism?”
Hmm…
My initial answer was yes and then it turned to a maybe and then a no and then I said let me think about this a bit more. The answer yes felt right and wrong at the same time. Escapism is the practice of withdrawing from reality. I even saw escapism being defined as an “emotional vacation.”
Escapism (noun): the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.
According to the official definition, the core of escapism is seeking distraction. The purpose of escapism is avoidance. You could be avoiding conflict, problems in life, moving forward in an area of life, following through with tasks or responsibilities, etc. You get the point right?
In your practice of self-care, detaching and removing yourself from distractions may be what you need, but fundamentally it is not intended to avoid life all together. In self-care, you are giving yourself space to “feel all the feels” for whatever they are without judgement. You acknowledge where you are in the present moment and what you are feeling. If you like the way you are feeling, fantastic. If you do not like the way you are feeling, then allow your self-care practice to help you specifically name that feeling as well as help you get to a more desirable feeling. Remember, feelings can be changed and as my e-mentor Myleik Teele says, “feelings are not facts.”
At its core, self-care is an intentional, time specific and action oriented practice. There is a purpose to the time you are giving to be with yourself to relax, re-assess and refresh your mind body and soul. Self-care gives you the ability to come back to your problems and find solutions to them with a renewed mind and perspective. It is possible to use self-care as an excuse for socially acceptable avoidance, but let’s start calling behaviors what they really are starting today. (Spoiler alert: I’ll go into that more next week.)
The problem with escapism is that you are not solving anything. Your problems are still present when you come back from your “emotional vacation.” You may be more likely to escape again when you realize the problems are still present since you did not actively work towards renewing or refreshing yourself while on your “emotional vacation.” This could potentially start a vicious cycle in which you could start falling into addictive behavior patterns. Besides drugs and alcohol, you could also be addicted to just about anything (i.e. work, exercise, eating, sleeping etc.).
At the end of the day, optimal self-care is not escapism. Self-care renews and restores while escapism distracts and delays. If you are practicing escapism and calling it self-care end that today. Call it what it is so you can know how to treat it.
If you are practicing escapism, I want to you list out the things you are avoiding. During your intentional self-care practice think about the reasons why your are avoiding those things on your list. Are you not confident in yourself? Do you have what you need to overcome the problem? Do you need to ask for help? Are you no longer interested in the task? Do you need to update your perspective/view on the issue? Are you overwhelmed?
As a reminder, there are licensed professionals who can also help you explore escapist behaviors and provide you with strategizes and tools to overcome escapism.
Therapy is a great form of self-care.
My desire is that we have the courage and support to face what’s in front of us today so we can move closer to the life we want to live instead of the life we are finding ourselves stuck in.
Selah in self-care,
Sonya